I believe the mind of a human being is fully capable of discovering something, learning how it works, and then figuring out a way to make it better. A valid example of this idea would be bread. A few thousand years ago, some folks discovered that when you mix flour and water together with some yeast, a lovely concoction is created that has texture, taste, and life sustaining energy nutrients. Later, after we figured out how yeast worked in terms of chemistry, we started mass producing the stuff. Finally, in the not so distant past, some people discovered that bread was so much nicer when it came sliced for you, instead of in a large hunk that required two 3/4 ton winches and small flatbed truck to move around.
But this story isn't about bread. No, dear reader, this story is about when people take a good idea and change it into something seemingly better, but is actually detrimental to our society as a whole. Or at least my personal sanity.
I'm talking about grammar. Specifically, the shortening of words that, by any stretch of the rules, cannot be shortened. As an example, I submit the words, "you," "your," and, "you're" being changed to, "u," "ur," and, "ure," respectively. I am simply dumbfounded that this deviation from accepted lexicon has been allowed and, at times, encouraged by the population of the Internet as a whole.
I want to know who in the name of Throckmorton P. Guildersleve III Esq. thought this was a good idea? If you stop and think about it, the usage of these letters in place of actual words makes things harder to read, because your brain must make an extra correlation between the grouping of letters and an actual word. Personally, I absolutely hate deciphering some thirteen year-old's sad attempt at complete sentences.
The average excuse I hear from individuals who actively participate in this blind pillaging of language is that typing properly is too hard or takes too long. I'm sorry boys and girls, but that's called being lazy, and is not a healthy attitude towards anything in life, especially something as grandly inconsequential as the Internet. Of course, these things can be used for effect, such as, "That was teh r0x0r." So, I'm not asking that everyone be perfect. In my personal utopia, everyone would also use capitalization and punctuation in their communication, but that may be unrealistic in a digital environment.
So we have, "hay d00d how r u doin?!!1one! i r teh gud, wud u lik 2 tuch mi pipi?!11!" verses, "Hey man, what's going on? I'm cool." Which is easier to read and understand? Which makes me want to take a large wooden bat to a baby seal? And why can't sliced bread come without heels? Inquiring minds want to know.
Today marks the last day that Señor Grendel and I will be working together. I graduated from college today, and will be moving on. It has been an honor, sir.
Sure, the large part of the quality paper plate buying market are mothers who stay at home to raise their children, but what about those of us who happen to be gentlemen of upstanding regard and taste in paper products? Are we doomed to a life of cheap paper plates, or can we group together and lobby companies like Dixie to make us a paper plate that is manly, or at least disabused of all this flowery crap?